Shakespeare Was a For Real Dude

I know so many of you are as fascinated and entranced with literature as I am. And I'm sure all of you spend countless hours lying awake at night contemplating the Formalistic nature of the poetry of William Wordsworth or the complexity of Ophelia in Hamlet or the joys of Shakespeare's iambic pentameter. Oh I just know you do. Well, if you don't, at least the people on National Public Radio do.

The other day, I was listening to NPR and they were discussing the validity of Shakespeare. For a long ole heap o time (literary phrase), scholars have debated whether or not Shakespeare was an author of plays or (gasp!) whether or not he even existed. Well, for my purposes, it's just easier to believe that he was who we all think he was mainly because I honestly don't give a flying Falstaff either way.

There was a gentleman on the broadcast, however, who had some very strong feelings on the subject and he adamently argued Shakespeare's validity. At one point, I got so emotionally invested in his argument that I raised my hand in triumph at least twice. And then he said the following: "Not believing that Shakespeare was a real author is about as ludicrous as not believing in Evolution." When I heard that I sort of just sat there confused like when you stick your hand in scalding hot water and for the first half second you think it's icy cold. But then you instantly realize OW! That's scalding hot water!

Anyway, I didn't really invest much attention to his argument after that because I was too busy coming up with other responses that I felt would have been similarly perplexing to my psyche:

"I don't believe in Shakespeare"
"What?! Not believing in Shakespeare is as ludicrous as not believing sun beams shoot out of my butt!"

"I don't believe in Shakespeare"
"What?! Not believing in Shakepseare is about as preposturous as not believing that Paris Hilton is the epitome of morality and decency!"

"I don't believe in Shakespeare"
"What?! Not believing in Shakespeare is so dumb! About as dumb as not believing in a tooth fairy covered in skittles!"

Anyway...you get the idea...