Panera is Rated R

This morning, I met my friend, Lindy, at Panera for a Bible study. It's always such a nice place to study the Word because of all the BREAD type situations. Bread bread bread. Bready bread breadness. Okay. I just really love their bread.

We sat down with our selected bakery items and cracked open our B-I-B-L-Es. About ten minutes into our conversation, a guy came and sat down about two tables away. The tables in Panera, if you are one of the 4 people in the world who has never been to one, are fairly close together, so we figured he could probably hear what we were saying. Which was fine because, in all honesty, we were pretty much talking about going shopping this weekend for new dresses. So, it's not like we were, you know, OFFENDING anyone with all our speaking in tongues and slaying each other in the Spirit and stuff.

However, after a decent amount of time, our new dining patron decided to make a phone call. I know this is going to sound awfully eaves-droppy of me but when someone in close proximity is on the phone and speaking loudly, I'm pretty much going to listen to the conversation. But, in this instance, I was truly disinterested in what he was talking about...until I heard the word 'cuddle.' I immediately looked at Lindy and felt a strong need to begin a conversation about whoknowswhat in order to disguise the fact that I was about to slide across the booth to him, put my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands so I could listen to him tell me all! about! the! cuddling!

But Lindy and I just stared at each other because the conversation had only just begun. From what I understood, this particular gentleman had apparently had sexy-ool relations with a young woman who was "possessive" and "like a stalker, dude." I heard such lovely phrases as "Come on, man, what was I supposed to do? She was lying there naked on top of me" and "I'm going to be known as the cuddler." It was all very appalling to my ears, frankly, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was a little disappointed in this fella's sexcapades and the fact that they TOTALLY distracted us from spending time with Him. But Lindy and I thought it was about the funniest thing we had encountered in a while.

And when we were getting up to leave, I stood up and stretched my neck and loudly exclaimed to Lindy, "Dang, girl! My neck hurts! I think it's from all the SEX." He stopped talking long enough to laugh at my comment. I'm hoping he learned his lesson, cuz ain't nobody wanna hear about no sex at 8 in the morning during a Bible Study. Can I get an Amen? Hallelujah one time.