A Letter to the Horn in My 2002 Honda Civic LX

Dear Horn of my Honda,

It's a good thing you weren't the only thing standing in the way of me and death the other day when that guy pulled out in front of me. I mean I could understand your lack of enthusiasm if I used you on a consistently regular basis, but I clearly only utilize you once in a great sweet while. And, more often than not, when I use you it's because I REALLY need you to get some point across that a simple hand gesture or hateful facial expression will not take care of.

I don't understand you, Horn. Isn't your sole purpose as a fixture in my vehicle to serve and protect? When one thinks of the essence of who you are, it usually conjures up images of fear and respect...but when I think of you, I picture only the worthless piece of garbage that you are and how every time I use you it's more like I'm presenting a three headed tiger at the circus rather than a loaded reminder that someone has clearly violated my rights as a responsible driver. *insert festive circus music here* "Look ladies and gentlemen! Katy's using her horn! Isn't it adorable?! What will she think of next?!!!"

People talk about you, you know. I've had people get in my car, put you to the test, and then practically laugh themselves into oblivion because are you serious? that was your horn? Who are you trying to scare into submission with THAT thing? These embarrassing presentations of your less than satisfactory abilities have often left me feeling reasonably insecure and ashamed.

I'm very evidently disenchanted with you, Horn. I think it mostly has to do with the laughable responses I get when I put your abilities to the test. I'm fairly certain that most of my fellow drivers half way expect balloons and confetti to fly out my car when I use you because you quite obviously sound like you would be more willing to announce the arrival of a giant purple dinosaur than save my life. I mean I guess I understand. We all have our priorities. I would just love it if my overall safety was one of yours.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Katy