By Monday morning it was pretty unbearable. Again, like a blessed idiot, I kept wearing my contacts. All day at work I suffered in anguish as I slowly became a cyclops, ignoring the frightened screams of my coworkers as they passed by my office door. (There may have been some growling and drooling on my part that I was not aware of.)
Tuesday evening, my ojo was watering quite a bit and itching like bonkers. So, I took my contacts out..hahaha...noooooooo I didn't. I left the durn things in and slept in em. I have the kind that you are allowed to sleep in, but I'm pretty sure my symptomatic distress should have prompted me to, I don't know, buy a vowel...'u'...'e'....I'd like to solve the puzzle...CLUE!!! Vanna White sadly shakes her head...Poor Katy and her incessant need to prove that stubbornness really is a fruit of the spirit. I'm just sure it is.
Wednesday morning, I woke up and realized that I wouldn't have to be squinting any more. My eye was already doing it involuntarily on it's own. It was as if a little super glue fairy had come along whilst I slumbered and applied her glue to my lash line so that my eye would stay shut for all eternity. Ick. So, I went to my bathroom mirror and pried open my eye, using my fingers as mighty forceps. There it was. My poor little ojo. I couldn't see any obstruction, so reached in there to (finally!) take my contact out. But as soon as the offending finger made it's way to my ocular cavity, my eye started filling with blood. With. Blood. Now...if you know me, you are probably aware of my irrational fear of anything that has to do with things going into or coming out of my eye. I kick and waller like a hooked catfish whenever I have to put eye drops in my eyes, so you can imagine the horror on my face when I saw the blood spilling from my eye. I mean, I've been trying to be a lot more like Christ lately, but this just seemed to take it a little too far. You see, we build up to weeping and sweating blood.
Anyway, I panicked. I walked around my bathroom pushing my head as far away from my body as possible. Since heads are clearly attached to bodies, I was really just bent at a 90 degree angle with my neck extended at it's fullest length, like an ostrich. This position also allowed for some pretty efficient dry-heaving as well because gag! there's blood coming out of my eye!
So, I did what any normal human being would have done. I called my mommy. Who lives in Ohio. We decided it would probably be a good idea to go to my eye doctor. Who offices in Moore. So, I called up there and they told me to come right in. I finally got the bleeding to stop, so I felt confident in driving. And this has nothing to do with anything I'm writing about, but it was just so random...on my way to Moore, a bird flew into the side of my car. I didn't really notice until after it happened. I just heard this thud, looked over and saw the bird kind of bounce off my passenger door and I was all like 'what the hell, man'...and the expression on my face as I was holding kleenex over my eyes was one of mild irritation because, come on, I have an emergency here. Go play kamikaze bird gang initiation games on someone else's car.
I made it safely (which is more than I can say for the bird) to my eye doctor and found out that I had torn my retina, but no eye patch would be needed...sorry, all you pirate fiends. I'm wearing my glasses for now which is fine. I'll take it. I'd rather wear glasses than have my eye fill up with...I'm seriously gonna vomit if I have to say it again...
Here's my eye...all better now...
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